Colorado
Why do people pronounce Colorado like Colla-RAD-O? I have heard that people from Colorado insist this is the pronunciation. Well i'll be damned if i'm going to take pronunciation tips from a non-scholar, non-new englander! This is the Hub of the universe and we will make all decisions on matters of pronunciation (and don't get cute referencing the mass accent, that is a hideous beast to be addressed in a seperate post) and distribute the rules to the rest of you idiots living on the fringes of god's country. Thormons will pronounce Colorado like Colla-ROD-O.
Recommended Thormon phrases
In the on-going quest to arm Thormons with the whittiest and funniest phrases, I submit these for your holiday consumption.
When an athlete is getting old
"He's getting a little long in the tooth"
To describe your distaste for New Years Eve
1. "First Night......it's more like Last Night"
2. "New Years.....it's more like Boo Years"
When you are disrespected by someone shorter than you
"Respect your taller"
Proper use of obscene jestures
If a Thormon is in the fast lane, with a car closely ahead of them, and a car insists on tailgating you, they deserve a middle finger or "L' sign indicating that they are a loser. Pointing and laughing is an excellent follow up when the angry car in question ends up passing you (assuming you cannot manipulate their position for the entirety of your journey)
Vigilante road justice
Should a car speed ahead of you in the right lane, clearly intending to cut you off, Thormons are encouraged to close the gap between the car in front of them blocking the car in question. This, however, is not the full extent of what is expected of you as a thormon. Thormons are expected to slow down or speed up in order to not only block the car in question, but to drag the car behind you in front of the car in question thus ensuring that they actually lose position on the roadway.
Revoking of passing privelege
Thormons are encouraged to revoke another driver's passing privelege in the following situation. Thormon is in the passing lane with cruise control on. Another vehicle starts tailgating, MUST get by you. Thormon moves over. Other vehicle moves over in front of you and slows down because they suck at driving. This constitutes fair revocation of this cars passing privelege. Thormon moves back in to the passing lane. Other driver decides that, again, they MUST get past you. Unfortunately because their passing privelege has been revoked they are not allowed past you in a conventional left lane pass.
Fast lane
Thormons may travel in the fast lane for 2 reasons. If they are passing someone, or if noone is behind them. This is a simple rule.
Television programs
Thormons never reveal anything that occurred in the last episode of a popular show until they have verified that all people present have already seen it.
Billy Mays
Thormons will agree that Billy Mays is the greatest salesman.......EVER. Thormons pledge that Billy Mays is so talented, that he could sell us a jar of Mayonnaise provided he came up with one of his trademark rhyming sales pitches. For example, "You can double or triple stack em and watch your family attack em!"
