3/12/2009
Breaking news
When the hell is baseball season going to start. Dude, we are damn near the end of the "sports doldrums" and I am dying! Baseball is still a month away! At least the tournament starts this week. I feel very good about the team the Red Sox have right now. They have awesome players, and the best depth of any team in the Majors in respect to the offense, starting pitching, and bullpen.
C.C. Sabathia is such a fat fuck, I hope that he gets drunk and sleeps with a woman that looks like him. My bad, I just described his wife, I have not independently confirmed that but it seems plausible and around here that's as good as fact.
T.O. is such a bitch. He is now in the AFC east, we are going to embarrass him. He is going to be fucking crazy when they start losing. Terrell Owens donald ducks it in a TerrelOwens.com hat, sunglasses, a hideous diagonally striped shirt, and cleats. Terrell Owens never learned to read. Terrell Owens once went on a date with Donny Osmond, and Osmond had to break it off because T.O. was too needy. I'm talking about Donny Osmond, the one who's face looks like a bag of smashed dicks. Osmond prefers to date men like Kobe Bryant, you know, more sophisticated and with at least one rape allegation. Kobe Bryant is a sophisticated douchebag. Kobe Bryant grew up in Italy and wears laker purple bikini briefs. Kobe Brant sucks and is going to get slapped in the face with a bag of smashed penises by Kevin Garnett. The origin of the bag of smashed penises will be from Kobe Bryant when he is found to be the kingpin of a black market penis harvesting ring. Kobe Bryant will later be found guilty of operating a "ponzi" scheme in which the commodity being bought and sold are bags of smashed penises. Kobe Bryant does not sleep with a pillow, he sleeps with a bag of, you guessed it, smashed penises.
World Baseball Classic
I don't know why we are playing the World Baseball Classic. Dude, nothing good can come of this. Nobody watches, only 6 newspapers even have reporters there! I do not want any Red Sox playeres there! Dice K is pitching, no win situation. Even the position players, nothing good can happen. Nothing good can happen + noone watches = why the fuck are we doing this!
Terrel Owens
Buys meow mix for his cats, sings meow mix jingle when feeding them.
Didn't cry watching final scene of "Rudy", does cry when jerry jones french kisses him.
Kobe Bryant
Just bought a new watch.
Finishes every sentence with "SO CHECK ME OUT!"
Donny Osmond
Likes ribbed turtnecks and sophisticated black athletes who also like to eat ribs.
Didn't think "The fast and the furious" was entertaining. Did think Paul Walker looked good enough to eat.
