12/29/2008
Matt Cassell has better statistics and team record than brett favre and jay cutler (both pro-bowlers)
TD INT FUM
Matt Cassell 21 11 2
Brett Favre 21 19 5
Jay Cutler 24 16 4
MYTH: The Patriots pass defense is so bad, they haven’t stopped anyone.
They are not amazing, but they are ranked 15th in passing yards allowed. That’s dead middle, there are 15 teams worse than them. Like Minnesota, Arizona, Atlanta, Miami, Denver, Chicago, Jets, and Chargers. All of these teams are in the playoffs or have a chance of making the playoffs.
MYTH: The Patriots defense sucks.
They are ranked 12th in total points allowed. Not great, but not bad. I mean Indy is ranked 11th, has scored fewer points than us, and everybody suckles them. WTF.
MYTH: The Patriots defense is so old.
This is the starting defense, has been for a while. Bruschi and Harrisson are old, so I Seau. But Adalius Thomas and Terence Wheatley are not. If anything they have gotten a lot younger this year.
Player Age
Richard Seymour 29
Vince Wilfork 27
Ty Warren 27
Brandon Meriweather 24
James Sanders 25
Ellis Hobs 25
Jonathan Wilhite 24
Jerod Mayo 22
Gary Guyton 23
Mike Vrabel 33
Rosevolt Colvin 31
How the hell do these people that say these things have bleeping jobs. I have a full time job and still know more than they do about their job.
11/12/2008
Future hall of famer, most overused phrase in sport. We get it, the guy you are talking about is good. This phrase is redundant, and lazy, i'd rather you read a couple elements from the periodic table than notify me that a player i have known is good for 10 years, will be recognized for this. Since we're talking about overused phrases, i am going to let you know that if those monkeys on nfl live were not allowed to use 'punch em in the mouth' or 'lunch pail' or 'physical' the show would last 90 seconds.
Mike ditka is pathetic, i'm starting to really think that he got lucky with that superbowl with the bears, like that he has always been an idiot and that he somehow fell ass backwards into football lore because he was a spazz and had a mustache and inherited a dominant defense. How did he make out in new orleans? He traded a boatload of draft picks for ricky williams and then donned a rasta wig, what the fuck we should have always known this guy was a retard. The shit that comes out of his mouth now is not english, i would have enjoyed him a long time ago on ooga booga live, a breakdown of the days caveman news and mustache grooming tips. I'd like to kidnap him and shave his mustache, i'll bet there's a vagina behind that thing.
Mike singletary will be fired, and he deserves to be. His fucking team got flagged like 10 times in the fourth quarter, nice coaching. Then with 4 plays from the 2 yard line and 46 seconds he calls 2 spike plays and 2 runs...after they had been passing all over the fucking field. And i'm sure you heard about him yelling at his team for 3 minutes while donald ducking it, yes, i'm talking of course about going with a shirt and no pants.
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Sent from my mobile device
10/28/2008
The world series.
What an attrocious little get together this is. What do you get when you combine the rays, phillies, bad weather, and bud selig? Answer, a shit sandwich, I mean the 2008 world series. I don't even watch it, because i'd rather watch fucking forensic files, or an old episode of lost (SCIFI replays 4 episodes of Lost chronologically every monday and if you are not catching this you are MISSING OUT!) This could not be more boring, the Rays are not worthy. We would have beaten the Phillies.
Bud Selig
How is this guy the commissioner? Did you hear his press conference? It was so fucking pathetic, this guy if a retard! The all star game decides home field for the WS? The all star game ending in a tie? a 5 game divisional series? And while we're on the subject of commissioners i'm about ready for Wyatt Earp, I mean Roger Goodell to go hitch a fucking ride to sesame street or joel osteen's next sermon or whatever fucked up milk and cookies pitcher of lemonade wholesome family friendly world he comes from.
I had a couple of interesting dreams last night.
1. I was playing for the sox in game 7 of the ALCS at fenway. I was playing second base. Somehow I never came to bat. But I was about to and I remember being very nervous about the at bat, "Can I do this?" We were down 3-1 in the seventh and I began to get very negative. Youkilis made a throwing error and they got another run, I did not forgive him for this. Then I started poisoning the mood in the dugout, the manager (it was not francona) was not happy about this. Then I ran out onto the field to play the 7th, Pedroia was at second base, I decided it best to let him play. Then I was in the outfield and I sat down and refused to stand up while the rays were at bat or they were singing god bless america or something, Youkilis and Lowell scolded me. Regardless of my questionable team behavior, I am thrilled that I had my first experience of being a Red Sock.
2. Tom and Gisele were unpacking their stuff for their new house in California. I walked in and said what's up.
10/15/2008
Longoria is a *** and Navarro has a face like a frying pan, I think he might have down syndrome. BJ Upton? It's more like BJ Downton, and he can go fuck himself with his effortless, graceful stride and power that should not befit a skinny runt like him. I know it sounds like a backhanded compliment, I take solace in knowing that he never learned to read, I swear I saw him pandhandling for change on boylston st before the game and he spelled all the words wrong on his cardboard sign. The sign read
Wil giv lawngorea hedd 4 fud
Kazmir, you suck so keep it up. And what the fuck is up with your last name, is it cashmere? Fucking cashmere, caz-meer, nobody fucking knows, good luck pooping your pants for the 3rd straight game against us.
Joe Maddon, look at me, I look older than I really am and wear hip, alterna-dork glasses. I also used to be sciosca's bench coach and that's where I learned how to be a fat douchebag, do you like my rayhawk, a fucking rayhawk, that is not a word, ray and mo are not close enough, douchehawk would be a closer description.
Sonnanstine, we will never beat this guy, he throws strikes and works fast, he scares me. ....... ........Nice fucking beard and windup ritual where you put your glove in front of your face.
Matt Garza, shave that fucking vagina on your chin and take your place as the second man to the left on the evolutionary chart. Unfrozen Caveman Pitcher.
Carlos Pena, go back to whatever fucking country you came from.....Oh you're from here? You are never welcome here again, your family dead, your dog raped. OK I don't want his family dead, but I do want them deported and yes I still want the dog raped.
9/2/08
Instant Replay
Big fan of this development, how the hell can an umpire see on top of the green monster? But Porter, who could be against this logical and sensible rule change? I'm glad you asked imaginary email reporter, the answer is EVERYONE AT ESPN AND THE PRINT MEDIA. Even though the rule is explicitly for boundary calls and nothing more, everyone starts whining about how it shouldn't be used for plays at first base, or home plate, or to determine who's cuter, Milo or Otis. John Kruk doesn't want it being used because he only has one testicle, Jerry Remy doesn't want it used because his face looks like a freshly shorn scrotum. Let me state for the record that Jerry Remy is the best color commentator in sports, I am dead serious.
Barry Bonds
He doesn't have a job because he is an unfathomable douchebag, end of story. I heard his agent and many people in sports media suggest collusion and that he has never tested positive of anything, so we should give hom the benefit of the doubt. If I were the boss of any of these people they would be fired, not because they disagree with me, because they are too stupid to have a job. Every GM in baseball got on a fucking con call and said let's not anyone sign Bonds, sure we'd all like him, BUT LET'S COLLUDE!
Patriots
Cannot stand listening to people talk about the Patriots. Why do people think pre-season games are more relevant than how many dumps I took yesterday? I have come to the conclusion that I could have any job at ESPN, that I am smarter than all of these people, I honestly believe that. Patriots will go 14-2, wilbon predicts 8-8, marshal faulk thinks the jets will win the AFC East, I mean jesus. It's the same team as last year minus asante samuel plus a stud linebacker, it's the same team that went 16-0. But they lost in the superbowl nobody returns to the playoffs the next year, are you on fucking crack?
Saints
So sick of that story, I hope they get flooded again
New nickname alert
"Saddam" Usain Bolt
Did you see obama come out to 85,000 cheering lunatics with U2 playing, that was amazing.
Brett Favre will fail, he sucks, is the most overrated player ever, is the career leader in interceptions, and has finished the last 5 packers playoff games with an interception.
8/11/2008
Manny Trade: This scumbag should be banned from baseball. To fake injuries, to refuse to get on the team bus to seattle, to assault an old man, to torpedo the team chemistry intentionally is unforgivable. Now he's raking in LA (the perfect place for this phony, after all noone cares about sports out there) and running out grounders, karmic justice would be a career ending injury, or at least a new pink onesie and bottle of formula for this mentally challenged savant. And now he wants to play for the yankees, wow, careful what you wish for douchebag. I cannot wait to boo him and slander him to anyone who will listen. I hope his kids don't get peanut butter and fluffernutter sandwiches when they want them, I hope his wife has a butt pregnancy, and that the kid ends up being fathered by someone in the red sox front office. I have no respect for how he left town and never will. When I am on my deathbed I will be shaking my head about 3 things
1. How did we lose to that hick eli manning?
2.. Manny Ramirez
3. How does McDonalds make their food so delicious?
I am a big Jason Bay fan. He is the anti-manny, by that I mean he is intelligent and tries, novel concept for a baseball player. He is a real solid player under contract for next year, I support a long term deal if he would accept. I was at his first game leading the standing ovation. I think to get that high quality a player in return is much better than anything we were offered in the past and keeps us in the pennant race. I like the red sox chances for the post season and world series. I think team chemistry is far more important than the slight offensive gains ramirez gives you. I think their pitching staff and offense are comparable to any team out there. I think we will make the playoffs and from there it will be a crapshoot of sorts. Also, the diamondbacks acquiring adam dunn is awesome as it relates to to LA's chances to make the playoffs.
The US Mens relay gold medal last night was amazing, so exciting, this is why we watch sports.
Paddy Harrington is a stud, did you see the putts he crushed on 16, 17, and 18? Sergio Garcia, what a loser he is.
4/16/2008
Coco Crisp versus Jacoby Ellsbury. Don’t be fooled into thinking Crisp has had a better start than Ellsbury. The primary reason people think he has is average (.325 vs .280) Look at the OBP (Ellsbury .424 Crisp .349)
Here is my take on the situation. Hold on to Crisp until someone’s CF goes down with injury and they are desperate. In the meantime, J.D. Drew, ManRam, Ortiz will all need a day off here or there and working both of these guys in to at least 4 – 5 of every 7 games won’t be a problem. Also, if one of our guys get’s injured, we’re in good shape.
ManRam, amazing. Am I the only one that DOES NOT CARE when he sets up a beach char, umbrella, cooler, and boombox and hangs out on home plate catching some rays after hitting a home run? In fact, I love it, I would like to see him stay there longer. I also DO NOT CARE when a potential double gets turned in to a single because he hangs out on home plate. He does scare me in the field. We have 2, 1 year options on him after this season, that’s a damn good position to be in.
Ortiz, not worried, small sample size alert, he will be fine.
OK, we are 9-6 after a very difficult schedule to start the season and the “monthlong energy robbing, victory eating virus” that the red sox voluntarily served to all of their players before the season started. Would you agree that the team does not look tired? They have recovered no? They are in first place, they have a good record. Remember this moment, THERE IS NO EXCUSE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE JAPAN TRIP IN THE FUTURE. YOU WILL HEAR PEOPLE DO THIS, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM! There is no way that the Japan trip has any effect on some dive the team takes in a couple weeks.
Who is uglier, sports writers or hockey players? I am petitioning NESN to rename Globe 10.0 to “A collection of New England’s ugliest people”
3/11/2008
Why is everyone making such a big deal about this Japan trip? I've heard many people opine "the guys could be tired for a month off this!" and "why are we playing an exhibition game after this?"
I don't see why 2 long plane trips can't be recovered from in a couple days. Also, in the big picture this will help the club. There are already a lot of Red Sox fans in Japan because of Matsuzaka and Okajima, and the World Series win didn't hurt. I think this move will make them a lot of money in the future because these fans and the new ones they will create will buy tickets and merchandise and tell little Hideki "you practice more plate discipline so you can play for red sox one day in front of fat americans like curt schilling." Anyhoo, more money good for red sox
3/25/2008
Did you notice that the Red Sox were able to land and operate in Japan without falling victim to some sort of month long energy depleting virus? Weird….. It got me thinking last week when my friend had to fly to South Africa at the last second. 26 hour flight. It got me thinking, would he, or anyone in business, be allowed to mail it in for a month because of the long flight? “Jeez Steve I’d love to attend your meeting but I had that long flight three weeks ago so I’m just gonna watch this episode of survivor from cbs.com.”
I’ve said it before, I want Vernon Gholsten with the Pats # 7 pick. 6’4”, 255, 42 inch vertical, 4.57 40. DE projecting to outside linebacker in the 3-4. The best part is I think his last name is pronounced “golsteen” like he’s some jewish investment banker from long island. “Hello Mr. Tanenbaum, Vern Goldstein here. I’d like to take a larger position in derivatives and get us out of pacific rim small cap. Yes, I called about the prostitutes, they should be all set.”
